so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
Randomize