im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
Okay so how much boob would you consider inappropriate for smart casual?
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
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