I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
Randomize
