remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
so...dinner was kid's cuisine and a bottle of wine. i think they go well together.
she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
Randomize
