Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
You should really look at your snapstory. It has us screaming " MANSION DICK! SUCK IT! FUCK IT!" By the way im currently in a mansion and need you to pick me up
A+ Viking dick
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
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