white trash or talent: driving, 1 hand on the wheel, 1 holding a cell phone & talking & smoking without using hands..in an old beater pickup..
Both
I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
answer honestly do you think i can make a bloody mary with ketchup????
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
Ps can u get with my cousin? He's a freshman at uconn and he's very attractive but like were related....
Randomize
