Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
Randomize
