Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
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