sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
The party got hot, we all started raging, took off some clothes, someone threw me in the shower and we all kept raging. Nude Rager, I was there at the point of conception.
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
I’ve got full Covid immunity, blonde hair and great tits! I’m basically unstoppable
Randomize
