fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
Randomize
