i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
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