I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
I don't think blacking out in class is a good idea. But I'm game
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
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