let's bang
You're in my phone as 'Weird Bus Guy' so I think my answer's no.
And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
I forget how to act sober
Randomize
