scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
sent a snap of my boobs out to my FWB his response was what happened to your other nipple ring.. how do I say it got ripped out by my other FWB last week without sounding like a slut
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
Randomize
