In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
So I feel bad, Ross is asking questions, I think they need to know it's a Spanish lesbian bar
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
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