alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
Randomize
