If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
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