are you still at the devil's house?
dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
I can get orange kush...
GET IT NOW! WHY IS THERE A DOT DOT DOT?!
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
Randomize
