She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
Randomize
