Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
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