i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
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