My hand turned me down
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
Randomize
