I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
Randomize
