Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
And now thanks to shrooms we all got a terrifying glimpse of what goes on in his head. I will not say I didn't see it coming when it turns out he made a suit out of people's skin
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
Randomize
