Please tell me its not ok to love a 17 year old....no matter how hot he is and how sexy his eyebrow ring is oh lord
It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
Its like we are women, and boise state is a gangster rap song. This game is degrading
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
Randomize
