i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
two words: eviction party
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
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