We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
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