If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
Am I a whore if I make out with a boy just so michelle can't?
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
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