Well apparently he's into motor boating.
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
And then my night got REAL pukey
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
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