I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
So I feel bad, Ross is asking questions, I think they need to know it's a Spanish lesbian bar
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
Randomize
