This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
Randomize
