tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
Randomize
