What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
Randomize
