god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
we're talking about where were going. or where we stand. but yeah we'll basically be doing it in the hallway so just ignore us
Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
how the fuck is Katelyn 5'1" and 85 lbs and she tackled a bouncer to the ground?
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
Randomize
