Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
I mean, she is a dancer for the Suns. If I didnt fuck her that would just be bad team spirit.
So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
Randomize
