..now you can marry chaz and be in cher's family..
yeah n i dont have to pretend to be into chicks to do it now...
apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize
