It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
the orgasm was like being thrown to the other end of reality, so getting a nosebleed from it wasnt too upsetting at that point
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
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