so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
Hey, met you at the bar last night. You probably dont remember my name. You and your friends came back to my place, you shattered my window with your fist then dipped. Your gonna need to pay for that.
Thats where this cut came from! Thanks for piecing together the puzzle dude.
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
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