i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
booty call hours are between 1:30-3:00 AM thurs-sat with the exception of major drinking holidays and election days. please try again
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
We have started to decorate penises.
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
Randomize
