I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
Randomize
