She had hickeys... what's up with that?? HAHAHA
I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
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Dude. My sister is off limits. Touch her again and I'll rip off your dick and force feed it to you.
I accept this challenge.
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
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Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
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