ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
Randomize
