You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
Randomize
