They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
Randomize
