Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
Randomize
