you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
I have my period so I felt bad and blew him with cash cab in the background. I wanted to yell out the answers but my mouth was full.
the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
THE PICTURE OF PEPPERMINT MOCHA MADE ME WANT TO TOUCH MYSELF
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
I am full of burrito and curiosity
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
Randomize
