I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
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