forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
i have one question about last night
if this is about your fridge being filled with hotdogs, sour cream, and PB&J open-faced sandwiches, i can explain
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
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