Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
the last thing i remember is fucking her. GAME CHANGER i woke up in another bedroom to her younger sister blowing me
Am I a whore if I make out with a boy just so michelle can't?
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
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