never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
Randomize
