You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
i don't plan on having that self control this summer
He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
I feel like abortions should bother me more
Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
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