the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
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