I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
So. Camera broke because I tried to wash it under the sink, kristi had to take me home and I woke up to my computer showing me that I googled how t take more than one shot at a time. I'd say the night was a success.
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
um care to explain the stolen chinchila under greg's bed..i'd be fine with it if it wasnt chewing up the stash
Randomize
