I want to take things slow emotionally, but fast physically
This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
Randomize
