I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
i wish there were pregnant emoticons
have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
his penis is PERFECT
I want to put it in a shoebox and place cottonbls around it to protect it from any harm
or knit it little hat
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
Randomize
