At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
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