Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
it was like having sex with a tree stump
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
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