So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
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