my soul wont recognize me after tonight
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
I don't think I can recall what a 23 year old cock felt like if one slapped me in the face.
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
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