I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
there is a tent in the living room. its a vip tent room. i want in.
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