i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
Randomize
