Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
Cute boy and deffffff wearing a HS shirt. I am getting too old to be inaccurate.
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
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