I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
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