I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
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