It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
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