remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
rainy day on campus = new personal fetish for girls in booty shorts and colorful rain boots
My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
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