Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
Randomize
