Plan B is the new Plan A
Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
Randomize
