I just cut my nipple shaving
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
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I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
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I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
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