Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
I must be too annoying 4 u.
does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
Randomize
