Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
Thanks for leaving me with drunk gabby
Hahahaha why what's happening?
She's sending me morse code through the wall....typical
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
Randomize
