This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
I think ill wear my dads dashiki but make it sluttier. We shall see
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
Randomize
