i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
Randomize
