Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
what am i going to do when LOST is over? What am i going to get high to?
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
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