i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
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