i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
All I can see in the pic you sent is white shorts...
Thas my pasnts in colleg! Tehy glow! AND SMELL LIKE BEER!
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
All I'm sayin is that I don't want to raise anything. Or deal with anything. Or having anything come out of my vagina. I mean, I don't think that's asking too much.
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
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