You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
On a scale of one to trashy, how is this: Got drunk, gave a guy a hand job. In the middle of the bar
I think you broke the trashy scale
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
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