Different chick, same blowjob, same parking lot.
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
I'm sort of afraid for my life tho. If the 4th of July can be the way it was a DMX show is capable of anything
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
Randomize
