Small penises have feelings too.
my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
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