she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
So if a 2 is a 10 on the road... do we consider college to be "on the road?" help. its urgent.
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
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