I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
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