Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
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