You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
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