gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
i would one night stand the shit outta him
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
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